i realized i should have prefaced my emo post....................

(thank you jess&dave for the texts, btw :D)

as a 21yearold, i didn't want to live life without any regrets.
SO, i went out & did what any 21yo does- party, booze, know boys, stay out, etc.
... but i also realized that i do not want to live my life this way.
i had a little stint of this when i was in england; there i wanted to test God's love & patience for me. at one point, i was still drunk in my room (no need to drive there!) & i had written such poignant words in my journal.
i forgot i've written them until the next day. it reads something along the lines of ...there are chains to sin. living a life of complete hedonism is not something i want to invest in...
& i thought i walked away from it all.
a brutal breakup with a boyfriend (say that 3x fast), though, led me into a ... i'm gonna enjoy my single life!! phase where... i am, quite frankly, sick of now.

the blog post was written as a reminder to myself... a reminder that through my drunken nights, calls, etc... i didn't really find myself. ... i lost it.
my values, principles, identity, was quickly stolen from me as i thought 'living life' was temporarily altering reality & doing with it as i please.

now that 22 is looming ahead... i want to put that past behind. i know i'm not old, mature, etc. but i am hoping that the past year has made me that much wiser.
i still have to grow so much & i know there will be many challenges in my life... but isn't identifying the problem half the battle?