please don't be afraid

if i pull a-

[young Jenny Curran] "Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far away from here."

one day i'm going to pack. pack a bag.
i'm going to pack this bag so i can go far. far far away from here.
where to? who knows. it could be london, france, anywhere but your underpants!
either way, it'll be grand. i'll have a ball. ball ball balll.

i am really sad, so sad, that i can't spend nye in sf for more reasons than one.

i'm going to make the best of it, tho, and spend it with one of my very good friends.

far far away from here.

happy 2009, folks!

baby, it's fact

i feel the butterflies again.

fucking addicted to this man.

all of the feeling in the world can, sometimes, be summarized into this one following word:

fuck.

(untitled).

i love staying up listening to amos lee.

one night i want to stay up late with my hubby, drinking tea, reading while listening to amos lee.
with reading lights for each of us & lightly scented candles for the rest of the room.
i realize that my previous sentence is a complete fragment.

i used to be a grammar nazi. i still keep my reference book from my upper-div writing class so i can teach, or correct, myself.
now that my room is clean, though, i don't know where i put stuff anymo.'

this one deserved a separate post

Josh Groban: "Hollywood loses another bright soul....how many more? A decade of decadence and devastation. Time to wake up."

November 10, 1977 - December 20, 2009.

RIP, brittany.

list therapy

i am HAPPY
things that i am happy about
- amos lee
- my sisters, my high school friends
- my brothas from chi-town
- exodus3
- my cambridge family
- having a date tomorrow night!
- my full bed
- orange juice
- tea
- chanel by axel madsen
- theo :)
- sf
- 5$ blackjack
- my faux fur vest
- my tiny, black canon
- the CHARGERSSS
- steve nash
- starting school soon (i know, i know)

i don't quite know how to end this post
i was going to finish with a short list of what i was unhappy about
but man, why do that?

positive

i wish i was a more positive person.
truth is, i'm not.
i have no reason NOT to be positive.
i grew up in a nice, christian korean-american home.
my brother & i (relatively) get along.
i have great friends.
tons of crazy relatives.
lots of possessions.
a hope that transcends reality.
...
but i'm just not.
i'm not saying i'm NEGATIVE. i guess i could be a realist?
sigh. not really that either.

i don't know why i do this to myself

i have work tomorrow............ & it's late.
i don't know why i do this to myself.
i'm not even fully recovered.
i feel 90% there, but not quite.
relapse is possible.
i've been reading the bell jar by sylvia plath.
plath has written so clearly & beautifully thoughts that i have thought and words that i wish were spoken in my reality, universe. ... and it scares the shit out of me.

finishing siddhartha inspired me. for a very obvious reason, i don't think the bell jar will have an equal effect.

i wish i can have lots of thoughts right now- some sort of dilemma, a praiseworthy moment, a hypothetical situation. anything that will make me write, but my brain seems to be lit up with nonsense and empty lights.

i feel like sometimes ... just sometimes, i think my life really is like a movie.

that serendipity will bring that stranger i met on BART to me and we will live happily ever after.
that my friendships will stay exactly the same and will never take a turn for the worse.
that someday i just might see big ben again.
that i might be able to afford a chanel purse of my own.

i sincerely believe there are realistic dreams and dream dreams.

realistically i will never meet the perfect man.
realistically friendships/relationships change.
realistically i just might see big ben again & hopefully i'll be able to afford that chanel purse.

i guess that's what life is all about- hope.

i've grown way too jaded to appreciate a fool's hope.

if i had three wishes i'd wish for the following-
1. height (my height can get very uncomfortable. esp. in europe where women are amazonian & it's normal),
2. the ability to speak every language,
3. to SEE THE BIG PICTURE- whatever that means. i'll take it.

#3 used to be money. an unlimited supply... but what kind of bitch would that turn me into? i guess knowing too much just might hurt me too. but i'd rather be crazy than greedy.

lifestyle

i've been out & about for the past two weekends and my body is paying for it.
i have aches where i didn't know i could HAVE aches.
on top of that, i'm sick.
BUT this past month i've been having the times of my life.
i have laughed so hard i couldn't breathe, i've danced nights away & discovered some damn good music.
had friendly chitchat with a beautiful stranger, found a great little boutique that has EVERYTHING i could ever want in terms of fashion and the greatest advisers in my friends.
these are the times when i feel the most blessed. the most alive.
sigh.
right now, i am content.

loves

via le fashion.

FAIL; gotta try try again. +fyap!!!!!

i didn't take any bb pics at vegas.
i didn't want to drop my camera while buzzed. or something like that.
i'm gonna try again next month.

hmm.

SPEAKING OF VEGAS.
vegas was good. i came out down, but up with lots of good memories :)
i can't wait for SF this weekend.
finally going back home. been awhile.

FYAP

before heading to Sin City

BBD (BB Dependence #2) ~
i use my BB in my car. yes, i still talk while driving. especially if i'm about to fall asleep on the road. i think it's the lesser of two evils.

ps- so dave chu think it's creepy that i do this. i think that i should. my project is to show society's dependence on technology. if it's creepy, it's creepy. it is what it isss.

for your aural AND viewing PLEASURE!!!

Phoenix - 1901 - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

paris

winter feels like it's finally here, and i can only imagine of how magical it'd be if i was in paris for this particular season.

je le manque.

BB Nation~

I'm gonna try a social experiment.
I'm going to take a picture every time I place my bb somewhere.
The point of this project would be to analyze the kind of culture we live in.
I am assuming that all 13 of you who read my site are dependent on/addicted to some sort of electronic device, whether it be your camera, laptop, cell phone, etc.
I am a crackberry addict. I LOVE my BB.
SO.
I am going to let you readers in on my life. Wherever the BB is, I am.
I will hold nothing back. I have taken my bb to the bathroom ONCE. If ever I decide to do it again, you guys will truly know how disgusting I am. HAHA.
So please. ENJOY :)