Alice: Well, when I was lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are until someone finds you. But who'd ever think to look for me here?
[sigh]
Alice: Good advice. If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
for all you asian boys~
or for the girls... disaster?
who would've thought having boys and girls exist together would complicate life so much?
THERE ARE ONLY TWO! imagine if there were THREE genders? oy vey.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
well put, william!
“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.”
| — | William Shakespeare |
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
ache
my head aches, my heart aches, my body aches.
i've been studying all day every day (seems like) since january. i am in a long distance relationship. i walked around in heels all day yesterday running around, making sure children were not impaled by softballs.
sometimes i feel completely enshrouded by the negatives in life. i am, as happy as i can be, the type of gal to see the glass as half empty. it's not completely healthy, but it's the way i am wired. sometimes, it sucks.
to be frank, i want a lot of things. i want my friends to come see ME in ARCADIA, for a change. i want my parents to appreciate me. i want my church to be closer. i want to travel the world. i don't want to be tied down to school. i want my boyfriend to live on the mainland. particularly, southern california.
and when i see people that have good friends close by, people to appreciate them, a good church nearer to home, time to travel, money to spend, and face time with his or her boyfriend/girlfriend, my whole being shakes with envy.
i had that in college. i wish i appreciated it more.
but when i look at how i spend my weekends, when i'm not in school and letting my schoolwork pile up (heh...)....
i am enjoying that time SO purely. it's exhilaration just SEEING people i love.
i am ecstatic to come to church. i LOVE hearing the gospel message and being set free every weekend. i LOVE seeing my friends, that i treasure so dearly. i APPRECIATE that everyone drives me around in the OC because people that know me well know that i hate driving. i LOVE that i can see their faces despite the distance. i LOVE the meals i share with them and the money i spend to be with them. i LOVE hearing my boyfriend's voice over the phone or seeing his face over skype. i LOVE the sound of laughter and the ridding of pain. i REVEL in the children that i see on sundays, ESPECIALLY tyler. i LOVE hugs. i LOVE the little crinkles in peoples' eyes when they REALLY smile because they are REALLY happy to see me. i LOVE that i can complain with my classmates about the course load and the fact that we, still, tend to procrastinate (although we can't afford to all that much anymore -_-).
i guess i shouldn't be as miserable as i am.
but i hope people do know that i am human, and that i do get overwhelmed.
ps- vera wang at kohl's? REALLY?
i've been studying all day every day (seems like) since january. i am in a long distance relationship. i walked around in heels all day yesterday running around, making sure children were not impaled by softballs.
sometimes i feel completely enshrouded by the negatives in life. i am, as happy as i can be, the type of gal to see the glass as half empty. it's not completely healthy, but it's the way i am wired. sometimes, it sucks.
to be frank, i want a lot of things. i want my friends to come see ME in ARCADIA, for a change. i want my parents to appreciate me. i want my church to be closer. i want to travel the world. i don't want to be tied down to school. i want my boyfriend to live on the mainland. particularly, southern california.
and when i see people that have good friends close by, people to appreciate them, a good church nearer to home, time to travel, money to spend, and face time with his or her boyfriend/girlfriend, my whole being shakes with envy.
i had that in college. i wish i appreciated it more.
but when i look at how i spend my weekends, when i'm not in school and letting my schoolwork pile up (heh...)....
i am enjoying that time SO purely. it's exhilaration just SEEING people i love.
i am ecstatic to come to church. i LOVE hearing the gospel message and being set free every weekend. i LOVE seeing my friends, that i treasure so dearly. i APPRECIATE that everyone drives me around in the OC because people that know me well know that i hate driving. i LOVE that i can see their faces despite the distance. i LOVE the meals i share with them and the money i spend to be with them. i LOVE hearing my boyfriend's voice over the phone or seeing his face over skype. i LOVE the sound of laughter and the ridding of pain. i REVEL in the children that i see on sundays, ESPECIALLY tyler. i LOVE hugs. i LOVE the little crinkles in peoples' eyes when they REALLY smile because they are REALLY happy to see me. i LOVE that i can complain with my classmates about the course load and the fact that we, still, tend to procrastinate (although we can't afford to all that much anymore -_-).
i guess i shouldn't be as miserable as i am.
but i hope people do know that i am human, and that i do get overwhelmed.
ps- vera wang at kohl's? REALLY?
Friday, March 12, 2010
Is it even love if you’re willing to give up on it?
Being a part of a duo has severely impacted my writing.
My emotions mean a little bit more because I am sharing them. It's a very strange concept to me and I always wonder if what I'm doing is right.
I'm watching The Shawshank Redemption right now & this movie kills me every time. I think this movie is especially popular because it brings out the humanity in people. The deceit, the hurt, being institutionalized, being treated unfairly, having success, being part of a routine, having camaraderie, death, life, ...
This movie is SO OBVIOUSLY fake. Haha. But as a civilian a lot can be learned, I think.
More often than not I obsess over things that are temporary. I want certain brands of clothes, certain ways of living. Why, though?
It's so easy to love when one is comfortable. It's so easy to understand.
It was so easy to see God when I was in college. I had classes once in awhile, saw my friends when I wanted, ate out, ate in, had money, etc.
It still is easy to see God now. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back. I don't have much money, but I am getting by. I see my friends when I can and have the privelege of obtaining a higher education. I am young, vibrant, and educated. The world is my oyster.
When I think of those women who made poor choices in life, have had kids at fifteen, have to work 15 hour jobs to survive and feed her children, comes home completely drained, needs to go to sleep to repeat the same shit.
Where is God then?
God is there. I believe it. For stronger Christians, that is when one can most see God. Feel God. In the hard times, what else can you cling to? What else can you hope for? Believe in?
But for weaker Christians, why?
Life is difficult. I consider myself lucky.
No, I consider myself loved.
There is no way in hell I am going to give up on it.
Love is so complex... yet so simple. Definitions of love vary, but when times get tough... who is still there? still standing? uncomfortable, but willing?
Ultimately, love should be freeing.
If it's not, you're shit out of luck. :)
My emotions mean a little bit more because I am sharing them. It's a very strange concept to me and I always wonder if what I'm doing is right.
I'm watching The Shawshank Redemption right now & this movie kills me every time. I think this movie is especially popular because it brings out the humanity in people. The deceit, the hurt, being institutionalized, being treated unfairly, having success, being part of a routine, having camaraderie, death, life, ...
This movie is SO OBVIOUSLY fake. Haha. But as a civilian a lot can be learned, I think.
More often than not I obsess over things that are temporary. I want certain brands of clothes, certain ways of living. Why, though?
It's so easy to love when one is comfortable. It's so easy to understand.
It was so easy to see God when I was in college. I had classes once in awhile, saw my friends when I wanted, ate out, ate in, had money, etc.
It still is easy to see God now. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back. I don't have much money, but I am getting by. I see my friends when I can and have the privelege of obtaining a higher education. I am young, vibrant, and educated. The world is my oyster.
When I think of those women who made poor choices in life, have had kids at fifteen, have to work 15 hour jobs to survive and feed her children, comes home completely drained, needs to go to sleep to repeat the same shit.
Where is God then?
God is there. I believe it. For stronger Christians, that is when one can most see God. Feel God. In the hard times, what else can you cling to? What else can you hope for? Believe in?
But for weaker Christians, why?
Life is difficult. I consider myself lucky.
No, I consider myself loved.
There is no way in hell I am going to give up on it.
Love is so complex... yet so simple. Definitions of love vary, but when times get tough... who is still there? still standing? uncomfortable, but willing?
Ultimately, love should be freeing.
If it's not, you're shit out of luck. :)
Monday, March 8, 2010
tis the time to blog~
because i have lots o' papers due soon :)
i didn't end up sleeping early yesterday. i slept at 2:30am. yesssssssssss. no.
i am butt tired. i actually am sleeping early tonight because i cannot keep my eyes open.
i don't have time to be drained.
on a more positive note, olsenboye is out at jcpenney! i am seriously thinking of sifting through some of the looks. i've seen the commercials!!! the clothes aren't half bad & they might just fit me. heh. hopefully i'll be able to swing by one this weekend. yee!
ps. i finally filed my taxes. i can't wait for my refundss :D MONEY IN THE BANK. sounds like a plan to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i didn't end up sleeping early yesterday. i slept at 2:30am. yesssssssssss. no.
i am butt tired. i actually am sleeping early tonight because i cannot keep my eyes open.
i don't have time to be drained.
on a more positive note, olsenboye is out at jcpenney! i am seriously thinking of sifting through some of the looks. i've seen the commercials!!! the clothes aren't half bad & they might just fit me. heh. hopefully i'll be able to swing by one this weekend. yee!
ps. i finally filed my taxes. i can't wait for my refundss :D MONEY IN THE BANK. sounds like a plan to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
be still
"It’s all I have to bring to-day,
This, and my heart beside,
This, and my heart, and all the fields,
And all the meadows wide.
Be sure you count, should I forget,—
Some one the sum could tell,—
This, and my heart, and all the bees
Which in the clover dwell."
This, and my heart beside,
This, and my heart, and all the fields,
And all the meadows wide.
Be sure you count, should I forget,—
Some one the sum could tell,—
This, and my heart, and all the bees
Which in the clover dwell."
Emily Dickinson
12:26a
on my quest to sleeping earlier, i will make this post short & simple.
i realize every day that i need more and more perspective.
i hung up with the manfriend unsettled.
we have been talking about some issues i had with some of his habits & we hung up without reaching a conclusion.
he was tired, i was frustrated. there was nothing more to be said.
i know that i have a knack for being way too human and thus making huge mistakes that i regret later.
as i was thinking about how bothered i was, i thought: what about him?
so i called up a friend. he gave me GREAT perspective.
now to align my feelings with that perspective will be tough, but i am ready & willing.
i always thought relationships to be tough, but never gauged to what extent they could be.
guess it's time to find out! ;)
i realize every day that i need more and more perspective.
i hung up with the manfriend unsettled.
we have been talking about some issues i had with some of his habits & we hung up without reaching a conclusion.
he was tired, i was frustrated. there was nothing more to be said.
i know that i have a knack for being way too human and thus making huge mistakes that i regret later.
as i was thinking about how bothered i was, i thought: what about him?
so i called up a friend. he gave me GREAT perspective.
now to align my feelings with that perspective will be tough, but i am ready & willing.
i always thought relationships to be tough, but never gauged to what extent they could be.
guess it's time to find out! ;)
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
en ti tled
i hate when people feel entitled to things.
entitled to their own life, even.
i mean, who secures the very next breath they will take?
sometimes i feel entitled.
& i remember why i shouldn't.
entitled to their own life, even.
i mean, who secures the very next breath they will take?
sometimes i feel entitled.
& i remember why i shouldn't.
Monday, March 1, 2010
the luckiest
And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest
Been listening to some really great lyrics. Thrice, Ben Folds...
Word craftsmen, these lyricists are.
The long nights, days of writing/researching, having no social life & too much coffee, more irritable moments than i should have had, patient support systems, sweat, and tears have paid off.
thank you, Lord.
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest
Been listening to some really great lyrics. Thrice, Ben Folds...
Word craftsmen, these lyricists are.
The long nights, days of writing/researching, having no social life & too much coffee, more irritable moments than i should have had, patient support systems, sweat, and tears have paid off.
thank you, Lord.
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