(untitled).

sometimes i sit back and wonder -- "will it all be worth it in the end?"
i don't know if it's my own ambition or society's subtle (yet impactful) influence that bids me think, "i wish i went to that school," or "i wish i had that kind of life."
i just have to keep my eyes on jesus and trust that, in the end, everything will surely fall in its place.
as such a finite person, though, the end seems so very far away...

when the lights go down in the cityyy ~

i am either delusional or completely realistic when i say that i am a city girl. i am particular to one city, though.
it's been a long and savory romance.
this city was very subtle and casual when i first met it. the streets were paved with wonder and lust at the corner bakeries, delicious fields of grass, and the unusually fashionable streetwalkers.
i was taken with the calm sense of life.
the city was not in want-- it had everything it could ever need. corporations were built upon concrete foundations, artists trembled at its feet. life was hard, but unusually indulgent here. there was quality and quantity of amazing foods and spices, along with a chance at redemption at whatever mistakes were ever made.
the city? san francisco.
we did not get much of a feel for one another when i was near, but my fascination and fondness grew as i came to frequent it more often.
i am in love.

nip/tuck

it is amazing to me how much this show is teaching me about love.
raw, fierce, inconvenient, self-sacrificing, uncomfortable, vulnerable, enticing, erotic, love.
as television dramas go, this goes right up there with weeds.
although the comedy in weeds is better, the character development in nip/tuck is just phenomenal!
oh, and the drama!
what is life without a little drama? ;)
i have never been so shaken by what goes on in this show. i do believe these writers know no bounds.

innocence is overrated. ignorance will not get you very far, very fast.

my brain feels like mush. i really should stop watching so much television.
my habit of going to the library stopped when arcadia started charging $4.00 every time i forgot my library card to borrow books. i cannot wait to be near the beach again. newport beach library checks books out to you with only your driver's license.

<3

going apartment hunting tomorrow. learning that it's okay to be dependent. ... what a ride this is going to beee ~

it's amazing

how lonely one can feel at "home."
i don't know if i've ever had that "home" feeling.
i think people make up a home, and the people around me did a wonderful job of robbing that feeling from me.
the sermon yesterday was on (in)depenence.
society tells us, as young folk, that we've officially reached "it" (wherever that is) when we are completely financially independent of/from our parents.
scripture tells us, as any type of folk, that we've officially reached "it" (an intimate relationship with christ) when we are completely dependent on him.
yesterday i teared during the sermon.
i don't know how to feel comfortable being dependent. i was taught, from a very young age, that being dependent was a horrible thing, that it was a last resort. thus, there was minimal dependence on anyone. feeling sad? oh, well. deal with it.
feeling happy? cool.
feeling angry? go to your room.
people always tell me that i have the golden family. haha i can't help but smile when people say that. what a joke!