i have love.

do you know how i know my friends & family love me?
they tell me that i have taken a turn for the worst.
i used to be different. more carefree, more trusting, less guarded, less princess.
i put myself out there.
do you know what happened?
i was shred to pieces.
friendships, relationships, any type of -ship i was involved in failed.
i would consider this my 'job' moment. throughout these -ship shits, i was told constantly to leave God & make my own way.
i tried. desperately. i clung to my status as a human being (only superior to other mammals, apparently, because of our oppositional thumbs) as reason enough to journey alone.
how wrong i was.
i have slowly begun to notice what ugliness has taken residence in the very core of my being. it's repulsive. i shared such views with a friend & my mom. they agreed with me.
i find it wise that they did not share with me their opinions for i would regard them as such- just opinions & consequently, i would not really listen.
i'm glad they waited.
this is where i am finally realizing how virtuous patience really is.
& with their undivided support, i can truly find myself again... this time, i'd stop listening to that little voice in my head that shouts that opposite thumbs are reason enough to rationalize my way through life.
for when did life ever become rational?
anyway, i'd start listening to the gospel- with my mind, heart & soul.
how very loved i am.