ache

my head aches, my heart aches, my body aches.
i've been studying all day every day (seems like) since january. i am in a long distance relationship. i walked around in heels all day yesterday running around, making sure children were not impaled by softballs.

sometimes i feel completely enshrouded by the negatives in life. i am, as happy as i can be, the type of gal to see the glass as half empty. it's not completely healthy, but it's the way i am wired. sometimes, it sucks.

to be frank, i want a lot of things. i want my friends to come see ME in ARCADIA, for a change. i want my parents to appreciate me. i want my church to be closer. i want to travel the world. i don't want to be tied down to school. i want my boyfriend to live on the mainland. particularly, southern california.
and when i see people that have good friends close by, people to appreciate them, a good church nearer to home, time to travel, money to spend, and face time with his or her boyfriend/girlfriend, my whole being shakes with envy.

i had that in college. i wish i appreciated it more.

but when i look at how i spend my weekends, when i'm not in school and letting my schoolwork pile up (heh...)....
i am enjoying that time SO purely. it's exhilaration just SEEING people i love.
i am ecstatic to come to church. i LOVE hearing the gospel message and being set free every weekend. i LOVE seeing my friends, that i treasure so dearly. i APPRECIATE that everyone drives me around in the OC because people that know me well know that i hate driving. i LOVE that i can see their faces despite the distance. i LOVE the meals i share with them and the money i spend to be with them. i LOVE hearing my boyfriend's voice over the phone or seeing his face over skype. i LOVE the sound of laughter and the ridding of pain. i REVEL in the children that i see on sundays, ESPECIALLY tyler. i LOVE hugs. i LOVE the little crinkles in peoples' eyes when they REALLY smile because they are REALLY happy to see me. i LOVE that i can complain with my classmates about the course load and the fact that we, still, tend to procrastinate (although we can't afford to all that much anymore -_-). 

i guess i shouldn't be as miserable as i am.

but i hope people do know that i am human, and that i do get overwhelmed.

ps- vera wang at kohl's? REALLY?